I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
