I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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