I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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