I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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