Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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