So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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