he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
