Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
