I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
