Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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