Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
