Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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