My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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