If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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