Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
