Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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