The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
