I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
