ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
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I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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