watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My life is pants optional.
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