I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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