2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Little spoons don't ask big questions
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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