i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
