Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
