i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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