my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
