im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
