he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
