Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
