She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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