Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
