if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
