lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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