I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
