So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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