New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
