I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
