Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
