from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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