I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
