Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
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after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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