My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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