I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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