Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
