Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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