the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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