Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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