I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
