She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
