Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
