All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
