So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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