Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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