Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
