i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
