I showed him my bush... on skype.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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