I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
