she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My ass is underappreciated
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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