Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
