i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
