Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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