Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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