Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
last night I used snow as a chaser
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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