Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
