just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
