i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
