I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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