Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize