i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
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I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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