At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
