I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Never underestimate the power of titties
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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