dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
