dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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