I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
