drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Watching her eat just hurts me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
