phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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