M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
