You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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