oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize