mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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