I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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