FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
