One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
