I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Please don't give away my fajitas
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
