Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
