Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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